Greenbush Bettie

I do not know what is going on outside my window. I had been hanging out on Ray and enjoying the warm sunlight filtering in. I thought it was time for me to see all of my bird friends and the flowers that appear. The worker hoomans had even been wearing less of their layers. However, the white flakes appeared and then everything was white. I could no longer see the grass and trees. It was cold again. I heard that some guy named Phil had predicted all of this and brought it all upon us. I decided to investigate this Phil and maybe give him a piece of my mind! Let me share with you all what I found out.

Now……brace yourselves….Phil is a mere inferior rodent! On February 2nd of every year, a town in a foreign land named after a pencil (Pencilvania to be exact) has this huge party where this Phil is an honored guest. Everyone eagerly waits around at sunrise for Phil to arrive. I guess they like to get up early and party in that land. It is claimed that this same Phil character has made these predictions for over 140 years. There is only one Phil and all other weather predicting rodents are imposters. He is kept alive for all of these years by a special “elixir of life”. Now, I do not know what this stuff is but these rodents only usually live 6 to 8 years. This must be some good stuff! When he finally pops up out of the hole in the ground he lives in (so barbaric), if he sees his shadow and returns to his hole, we get six more weeks of winter weather. If Phil does not see his shadow, we get some warm weather and my bird friends. Since Phil cannot speak in a language we can understand, there is some hooman in a fancy suit and a tall hat on his head that interprets it all. This is the only hooman that can understand Phil’s language. He reads from a paper and shares the prediction with everyone at the party. I know this all sounds completely bonkers and I really cannot even believe I am saying it all!

I do not know why you hoomans would believe anything that this rodent has to say. First of all, he is just an inferior rodent! Maybe you all should trust a smarter animal like say…..a cat! Second, he has only been right about 30% percent of the time over the past decade. Yet, this rodent gets a huge party EVERY YEAR!

So, in light of all of this, I have decided that I am making some changes. No more rodents! Cats are taking charge! I shall be dubbed “Greenbush Bettie” and I will from now on predict the weather. It cannot be that hard and I am positive I can do better than 30%. I want a party every year but I do not want it to be at sunrise because I need my beauty sleep. I am not a morning kitty! I shall sit upon my trusty Ray and predict it all from window. I will also rely on my body to tell me. I get sore in my old joints when the weather turns cold. I will get one of those worker hoomans, probably the one I like the best, to share my predictions with the world. She will look great in a suit and tall hat! The only thing I have not worked out is how to get a hold of some of that magic elixir to live over 140 years. I am thinking that bearded doctor hooman may be smart enough to help me work that out.

Spread the word hoomans!!!! I will expect my party next year!

Bettie