Law & Order GVC

I peed outside of my litter box. Well…. I peed outside of my litter box a few times. A few times too many apparently. It drew the attention of one of the worker hoomans. This then triggers the attention of that bearded doctor hooman. He must have had some time on his hands because he wasted no time enlisting a worker hooman to snatch me up so he could do the ultra sound. He has to check and make sure all is well with me. He does not accept that I am just a lazy cat at times. On a side note, I do not know why it is called the ultra sound because it makes no sound actually. Maybe that bearded doctor did not do it right. Some days I just do not know about him.

I am not going to focus on how this all went down. You all know the drill. They pin me down, I yell and try to bite, and make a huge fuss. He goes about his business and tries to pay me no mind. All the while, the worker hooman wrestles with me. Same old routine. I know that I have completely forgotten my New Year’s resolution to do better. Do not judge me! What I am going to focus on is: who ratted out my lazy litter box habit and put me in this position? That bearded doctor hooman never notices this stuff on his own. We are going to conduct a little investigation.

First of all let me introduce the suspects. It had to be one of the four worker hoomans that clean my cage:

Suspect number one is “the soft spoken one.” The soft spoken one has a calm and soothing voice. This is true most of the time except for when she discusses something called politics with the bearded doctor hooman. She will suddenly appear and you will not hear the approach. Because of this, sometimes I call her “the quiet one.” She also does not say much. She is constantly in thought and pondering things though. She is definitely a cat lover as she has taken in many a wandering soul. She is the nicest of the bunch. I would not count her out though. Remember that you have to watch the quiet ones!

Suspect number two is “the tall one.” The tall one has been at the clinic FOREVER. She was here even before me! She is the only one that has been here the whole time with me. I mean besides that bearded doctor hooman. She knows a lot about what goes on around here. She is usually really nice to me and lets me get away with things because she hates to see me upset. She plays with me a lot and will sneak me a treat now and then. She is the one who introduced me to the irritating Dot Dot, which I have still not caught! She used to be the one I considered the nicest of the worker hoomans. I have seen her get agitated by that bearded doctor hooman and give him some heck. It takes a lot for her to reach the boiling point but, once she does, look out! She is not at the top of my suspect list. She usually just looks at me in the middle of my antics and says, “Oh, Bettie.”

Suspect number three is “the one with the fancy jaws in her hair.” I know that is a mouth full. She always wears her hair up. She must have the money because those jaws are sure fancy and she has many different ones. She is the one who tries to keep that bearded doctor on track. I have heard her telling him many times to get moving. She jumps in and does whatever is needed. I had seen her chase down many loose animals in the clinic. Some of the cats that come in here are wild and the certainly do not want to be in a cage! She is also the one that seems to be enlisted the most to torture me. It could be because everyone else avoids any mention of an exam with me or it could be because she is the one who rats me out the most! Who knows? She is at the top of my suspect list.

Suspect number four is “the one I like the best.” She is great and an animal lover of all kinds. She has big and small pets at her house. She even has snakes! I will not hold that against her. She has worked with animals for many years. I liked her from day one. That is why I hired her. She always picks me up and shows me love. She gives the best scratches! She plays with me and gives me treats. I get irritated when I can not find her. She is not allowed to take time off and go on vacation because I need her! In my mind, there is zero chance she ratted me out.

Well, there you have it hoomans! The suspects have been identified. You have all the information needed to form an idea of how you think it went down and who is the rat. This worker hooman needs to be brought to justice. You be the judge!

Bettie