HELLO HOOMANS! I KNOW A FEW OF YOU HAVE NOT HEEDED MY WARNING AND ARE TRYING TO READ THIS. THIS BLOG IS STRICTLY FOR MY FELINE FOLLOWERS. SO FEEL FREE TO GATHER YOUR KITTIES AROUND THE SCREEN AND KINDLY DEPART!
Greetings, my feline friends! Since front desk hooman left, I have been working hard to train the new hooman who I have now dubbed “receptionist hooman.” This gave me the idea to reach out to my fellow feline friends and offer some tips on how they can train their hooman.
Training a hooman involves persistence and good communication like yelling for your food, pawing at a leg, or strategically placing your body to guide the hooman to where you want them to be. Hooman training is hard work but it is also very satisfying. You can use my friendly and gentle training methods to ensure that your hoomans act in acceptable and cat approved way.
So to begin training, here are a few simple rules:
Treat your hoomans kindly and with respect. Remember that they may be difficult and not want to play ball (I do mean this literally at times).
If you are loving towards your hoomans, you will reap the benefits in the long run.
Do not get angry with them! This may be hard at times but anger only exacerbates things. So, ALWAYS BE PATIENT.
Remember that hoomans are very flawed creatures, after all they are not cats.
The key to training a hooman is to let them believe that they are in charge. They truly believe that they are in control. Hoomans assume that we are their pets but we cats know better. We know who is the boss. Keeping that in mind will not only make it easier to get your hooman to behave the way you want them to but it will also ensure that within your household, your hoomans and their pets, for example the dogs and children, will all bow to your superior knowledge and intelligence.
So, my fellow cats, stick with me, follow my simple training methods and you will have your hoomans eating out of your paws in no time. Since eating was mentioned and it is my favorite subject, let me just share with you how to train your hoomans when it comes to food. I am pretty experienced at this and have done very well at training the worker hoomans here at Greenbush Veterinary Clinic. Just ask them and they will tell you.
As early as possible, start training your hoomans in what you want fed. We all know how important food is to everyone, not just cats. We cats are not all the same. We know that but, hoomans do not always realize this. We all like to eat different things. My favorite food is my wetsies from a colorful can with a cat on it but this cat I know, Tilly, loves the cat food that comes out of a bag - I always say there is no accounting for taste. But, the point is, that we deserve to eat what we enjoy, and we just have to let hoomans know this.
When you are hungry this is what you need to do to get your hoomans attention:
Yell loudly and urgently, especially if you are ready for breakfast and your hoomans are still sleeping. Do not be afraid to walk on them or sit on their stomach or back. Use your paws to scratch at them, if needed. Be persistent about this and do not stop until you wake them up!
Go to where your bowl is, or sit around where the food is kept. Stare intently at them to get your point across. Follow them around or walk in front of them, if necessary.
Repeat all of these steps as many times as necessary to make it happen!
How to let them know your food preferences:
Eat voraciously if you like the food. The more noises you make, the better! Lick your lips and purr appreciatively once you have finished dining. Use some positive reinforcement. Praise your hooman by making a fuss of them. Reinforce their good behavior. Hoomans love praise and if you rub against their legs and purr (maybe snuggle into them…..depending on your level of comfort. I am more of an introvert) they know they have done something right.
Feel free to leave the food if you dislike it. If you are really hungry, you may eat a bit but make it clear that you dislike it by yelling loudly and walking away with some food left in the bowl. Snub it and turn your nose upwards. Refuse all attempts at affection. This may sound harsh but, if you do not stand firm on your paws then you might never get food you like.
If necessary, jump up on the table when they are eating to show you would like to be offered some food a bit more like theirs. Be present! Hoomans seem to dislike us cats near their hooman food but if you need to make things clear and you have tried everything else, then do this. Remember, this is a last resort!
Next, we must discuss the sacred area, the litter box. When the need arises, feel free to enter this area and scratch around as much as needed. Do not be afraid to let some litter fly! Your hooman will clean this up. It is remarkably easy to train them in this aspect. It is pretty simple, you make the mess and they will clean it. I do not understand a hooman’s need to have this area so clean but to each their own. I mean they could leave something in there! If they, for some reason, do not comply with keeping this area clean, use some negative reinforcement. Simply use the floor near your litter box as a bathroom. They will get that you are displeased with their behavior. Do not be afraid to make a big show of your displeasure. Use a swishing tail or a death stare to signal your feelings.
We love our hoomans but they can be very obstinate and some may not even be trainable. That is a whole other discussion though. They must have some kind of place where these hoomans can go!
