Greetings, friends and concerned hoomans! Let me tell you about my journey into surgery.
It all started one day when I was lunching with the worker hoomans. We were all gathered around the table, and I was minding my own business and occasionally staring at one of them in hopes that they would pity a poor, starving kitty. It had been forever since I last had eaten. The front desk hooman looked down at me. Just as I thought I had convinced her with my charm and wit, she made a comment that I was missing a tiny bit of hair from my shoulder. This sent everyone spiraling into a tizzy. The conversation became animated. I knew it was about to go down! I am ready for this fight. The bearded hooman they call THE DOCTOR started looking at me and poking at me. Every time he comes around, I know I am going to be touched and poked. I complained LOUDLY. I fought and fought to no avail. This bearded hooman won. He gave me some awful tasting round pebble and the worker hoomans had to lotion my spot. Boy did that itch! I scratched and scratched. This went on for days and weeks. I pulled out some hair out and figured that it would help them. It did not! I eventually turned that tiny spot into an area that went down my back. I knew that I had really gotten myself into a mess this time. The bearded hooman kept looking at my spot and then said a word I hear around here often but that does not ever involve me: SURGERY. This sounds very serious and involves lots of poking and prodding, which a cat is not a fan of. Just ask one and they will tell you.
Let me tell you how this surgery day went down. First, the food was withheld! I was not allowed to eat ANYTHING! Who wants a hungry cat around? This is apparently to prevent complications during the "anesthesia" — but I am not at all pleased. No wetsies for Bettie! Can you even believe this? Then, they will not let me out of my cage. I have been locked up ALL NIGHT.
Finally, my door gets opened and Bettie is free….nope, I get snatched up by some young worker hooman who slightly resembles that bearded doctor hooman. She takes me to a cold, shiny table and HE is there, the bearded hooman. He started looking me over. It always starts this way with him. Then, he stung me! It was so quick! I did not even have a chance to give him any attitude. I was taken back to my holding cell to wait. As I was waiting, I started to get really sleepy. I mean I had not done a whole lot yet this morning but apparently, I was worn out. I was having a hard time focusing and things were getting really blurry. I was aware of some hooman taking me to the room I am NEVER allowed in. They started up a loud machine and stole a patch of hair from my leg! Last week they took my toes, and now they harvest my hair! I am sure this must be the room they keep it all in and that is why I am not allowed in here. Honestly, I was too tired to really care. To add to my abuse, they pinched me in my leg where they had taken the hair and put some sticky stuff on it. I was thoroughly confused but really did not care at this point. I became sleepier and could not fight off the nap.......
Next, I woke up in a strange room, a bit groggy and feeling… off. One of the worker hoomans says it is normal after the anesthesia. I am confused and a little angry. It is like someone hit the fast-forward button on my life! They said I was asleep for a while, and it felt like "time-traveling" to be honest.
I was put back in my cage with a comfy bed and fresh water. I rested and really did not feel like doing much for most of the day. It is going to take a little while to feel like myself again, but I am getting there. The worker hoomans are being extra patient and gentle, and I have gotten so much attention. I am looking forward to getting back to my normal routine: chasing dust bunnies and bugs, sunbathing at the window, and supervising the worker hoomans.
